Just don't know what to write!

I like blogging, which I didn't know I enjoyed writing until I started this blog, trusting that the Lord wanted me to do it. Since 2019, I have been uploading blogs consistently and also not consistently. Some days, I have ideas and inspiration, and other seasons, I don't have anything to share.

It is 2023, and this blog did not get any recognition; there are nearly no views that it is discouraging to keep writing. It's hard to keep showing up when it looks more like it is a failure. I have yet to learn about blogging, making covers, or writing perfect English. There are still so many obstacles and things I need to figure out.

I also have a YouTube channel that I believe the Lord wanted me to do. I remember sitting in the church, maybe in 2017 or 2018. I was listening to gospel songs in many languages. I remember hearing to make a channel and upload gospel from different languages, and it will reach many people. This way, I started the channel expecting it to blow out and reach many people. Fast forward to 2023, and it also looks like a failure. As the blog, I was not consistent all these years.

What was then the problem? I started, I was obedient. But it was half obedience, which is disobedience. If I were utterly obedient, I would have kept showing up no matter what. I started, but along the way, I doubted it. I had many reasons why I was good enough. Why would I keep going when all this effort is not giving any fruit? My focus was misplaced. I focused on why nothing was happening, no views or likes. My first focus was to do what the Lord wanted me: to be bold and fearless. Keep showing up because even when it isn't going as expected.

Nothing makes sense. While writing this, I realized that this blog wasn't to reach others; more importantly, it was to help me reflect on myself and why I stopped doing what I was convinced God wanted me to do. It was all about serving the Lord and for his glory, not for my satisfaction, but I fell into the trap that it was all about me.

What do I do now? I need to revise my why and stick to it no matter what. I got the idea to make it visible so I could see it and keep reminding myself of why all this started. I still have more ideas from the Lord, which I'm not doing because of the fear that it would be a flop like the blog and YouTube channel.