Make it so unbearable that I want to leave!

Make it so unbearable that I want to leave! Some months ago, that was the prayer that I made. I know my job was a blessing, but some part of me still wanted to see it as a blessing, but my mind wasn't. Meanwhile, I'm comfortable at this job; I won't pursue what I want to do with the same eagerness.

How I got the job

I got this job miraculously and was happy with how the Lord used strangers to direct me to this job. After being obedient to the Lord and quitting my previous job in April 2022, I struggled till September 2022, when I got this job. There were many closed doors, but I was happy that there was still a way that only God knew in all that lost hope.

I wanted to hold on to this job because it was my blessing, the blessing I had prayed for but didn't want to lose. Now, I am at the moment in my life where I'm feeling the same as back then. The only problem is that I have friendly colleagues, even though I wouldn't say I like the job.

I still wanted to stay because I didn't want to deal with the fact of going back into searching. But again, the Lord is good at putting people in my way to show me something He already was showing me. Not because it was a blessing will it forever be a blessing. I'm scared of taking the next step in my life. I'm afraid of all the rejections I will get.

My story

I finished school in 2018. Since 2018, I have been applying for different vacancies at this place, but I have been rejected after rejection. Getting rejected after rejection broke me many times during all these years, but I still haven't given up. I'm still trying to get a job there.

 I don't have experience working with plants, but I love plants. I plant plants every year on my balcony. I always have been in love with plants. Still, it is impossible to get a job there. I showed them I could do this with my hobby. Whether I am qualified or not, my degree, experience, and knowledge are always in between. It is all so hard to deal with.

I collected all my rejections from 2018 to 2024. While reading it all, I was crying; how could I get so many rejections and still want to work there? Why am I still trying? But the eagerness to leave where I am at this point is growing bigger and bigger each day.

Frequently, I have headaches at work, my coworkers are too noisy, and I'm usually irritated. Sometimes, I get ear pain because of all the noise. Eye pain from all the fell lights. For the last 3 weeks, I have had constant headaches. On days I stay at work the longest, I have more prolonged problems with headaches. As soon I'm at work, I feel sick.

Be blessed, and stay blessed!